A Question of Grave Concern

(Pun Fully Intended)

[Published July 31, 2010]

Here is a question to consider: If your spouse preceded you in death and you later re-married, as you approached the end of your life would you choose to be buried along side your first spouse, or placed next to your second? Or both, if possible? What factors would guide your choice?

This question has been faced and answered by several descendants in the Greater Ducklow family and is a question that will be answered by several others in the next few years.  Of those that already have faced this dilemma it appears that two important questions drove their ultimate decision: “Who was I married to the longest?” and “Who did I have children with?”  Perhaps a third and fourth consideration came into play too: “Does my second wife have a logical burial location if she is not buried near me?” and “Is there room to be buried next to one spouse vs. another?”

Here is how five in the  Greater Ducklow family answered the question:

(1) John T Ducklow (1847-1923) is buried next to both of his wives in the LaBelle Cemetery of Oconomowoc.  He was married to Blanche Townsend for four years before she passed in 1903.  They had no children.  John then was wed to Kathryn Nicholson in 1903 and they were married for 19 years.  They had one son. John died in 1923 and was buried next to his first wife Blanche.   Kathryn re-married about four years after John’s death.  The death date and place of her second husband is unknown, but what is apparent is she cherished John dearly, as she was buried next to both him and Blanche.

(2) Nellie Ducklow LaGrander Davis (1876 – 1948) is buried next to her first husband George LaGrander.  Nellie and George had been married about ten years before George’s accidental death in 1905.  Nellie and George had three children together.  Six years later Nellie married Albert Davis.  They were married 19 years upon Nellie’s death.  Nellie and Albert had no children together.  Nellie is buried next to George the Spring Lake Cemetery near Spring Valley.  Second husband Albert Davis is buried in the Poplar Hill Cemetery near Rock Elm next to his first wife Luella Weldon.  The apparent decision that both Albert and Nellie made was to be buried next to the spouse from which they had children, even though the length of their marriage to each other was longer than to their respective first spouses.

(3) Frank Erwin Ducklow (1885-1975) is buried next to his second wife, Jessie Roatch in the Spring Lake Cemetery.  Frank out-lived three wives.  Frank’s first wife, Francis Prine, died in 1910 shortly after giving birth to her son Willis. She is buried in the Clayfield cemetery in rural Pierce County.  Frank and Francis had only been married two years upon her death.  Two years later Frank married his second wife Jessie Roatch and they had seven children together.  Frank and Jessie were wed for 35 years upon her death in 1947.  In 1948 Frank married Josie Roatch McCleod, Jessie’s widowed sister.  Frank and Josie were married 17 years before Josie’s death in 1965.  Josie was buried next to her first husband Albert McCleod in the Maple Grove Cemetery near Ellsworth.  Frank and Josie had no children together. In Frank’s case, he is buried next to wife he was married to the longest and with whom had the most children..

(4) Clayton Joseph Ducklow (1893 - 1965) is buried next to his first wife, Mary McMenamin.  Mary and Clayton wed in 1910 and were married 45 years upon Mary’s death in 1955.  Together they had six children together.  In 1959 Clayton married Jane Schimmel.  They later divorced, year unknown; but the marriage was short, less than five years and produced no children.  Clayton and Mary are buried in Resurrection Cemetery.  In Clayton’s case, he is buried next to the wife of more than four decades and with whom he had his children.

(5) Clarence T Blair (1908 – 2006) is buried next to his first wife, Alta Hammann.  Clarence and Alta married 52 years upon Alta’s death in 1988.  Clarence and Alta had two children together.   In 1991 Clarence married Clara (Living).   They were married five years upon Clarence’s death; this marriage had no children.  Clarence and Alta are buried in the Wayside Cemetery near Barron.  Clarence is next to his bride of five plus decades of marriage and with whom he had his children.

The pattern of being buried next to the spouse you spent the most years with seems to be the dominate factor. 

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Footnotes:

All the cemetery’s mentioned are in Wisconsin, with the exception of Resurrection Cemetery in Mendota Heights, MN.

There are other examples of a Ducklow descendant passing, and the surviving spouse re-married.  I have chosen not to publish the details for concern over privacy and in some cases lack of vital statistical data to provide accurate facts.

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Early Death of Parents
[Updated January 21, 2009]

Sadly, one theme that reoccurs in the greater Ducklow family is the premature death of a parent. There are a numerous stories in the family history where one parent has died before the youngest child has reached the age of fifteen; here are six that occurred near the turn of the twentieth century:

(1) Gunder Ostenson, husband of Lucinda Ducklow Ostenson completed raising their daughter Anna Elizabeth Ostenson when wife Lucinda died from Tuberculosis at age 52 in 1918. Their daughter Anna was 14 years old when her mother died. Anna went on to marry at the young age of 16 to Willard Holman.

(2) Lucinda Ducklow Ostenson was the second wife that Gunder had out-lived. His first wife, Anna Stenson Ostenson, died at age 40 in 1902. Anna left Gunder with three children to raise: Ruth age nine, Hattie age seven, and Edwin age four. As a farmer this was a large burden to bear. His solution was pragmatic: re-marry quickly. Lucinda Ducklow, at age 37, wed Gunder just a few months after his first wife’s death and she immediately took over the role of mother to Gunder’s young children.

(3) John T Ducklow and Kathryn Nicholson may have married for the purpose of raising a semi-orphaned nephew. Kathryn’s sister-in-law, Mary Grooms Nicholson, died when she was in her 30s. She left behind two sons: George, age ten, and Van, age 14. Their father, James Nicholson, was unable to care for his young sons alone after their mother passed. Mary Groom’s parents took in Van. John and Kathryn Ducklow adopted George very shortly after they were married in 1904. This was John’s second marriage as his first wife Blanche Townsend died in 1903. John and Kathryn raised George Nicholson as their own son—they legally adopted him and George's name became George Nicholson Ducklow.


Lynn Shaw Ducklow
Circa 1908, age 2.5 years
Young boys were frequently dressed in a gown to make diaper changing easier. Curls in young boys hair was also popular at this time - there is no explaining hair styles!
Cropped Photo from Deb Ehlers Good Collection




(4) In 1911 Eva Shaw Ducklow had to finish raising her youngest son Lynn [see photo above] alone when Charles died at the age of 58. Lynn was only nine years old when his father died unexpectedly from complications of gallstone surgery. Lynn’s older brothers had reached adulthood: William was 26, Elmer was 22 and Charles Jr. was 20 at the time of their father’s death.

(5) Willis Francis Ducklow, son of Frank Erwin Ducklow and Francis Mary Prine, was born on April 9, 1910. Tragically, seventeen days later his mother died. She was 28 years old. The offical recorded cause of death was measles, but apparently the delivery of Willis was difficult. The combination of a weaken immune system and loss of blood caused her death. Baby Willis was raised by his Grandparents, George and Emma Ducklow, as Frank was not able. They were aged 58 and 57 at the time. Family lore has it that on the hour Willis was being baptized in one church, his mother was being eulogized during her funeral in another church.





Nellie Ducklow LaGrander, circa 1909, about age 28
Son Clair George LaGrander, about age 12
Daughter Isla LaGrander, about age 6
Son George Merle LaGrander, about age 4
Photo from the Esther Northfield Ducklow Collection





(6) George A LaGrander, working as an engineer on a logging train, was fatally injured in a train coupling accident, being crushed between the bumpers of two cars on April 7, 1905. He was taken home and did not realized how badly he was hurt. He "laughed and played with the children until the end came in a few hours" [see footnote]. George was only 30 years old upon his death. He left behind wife Nellie LaGrander nee Ducklow age 28, son Clair George, age 8, and daughter Isla, age 23 months. Nellie was also pregnant with George Merle LaGrander who was delivered seven months after George's death [see family photo above]. About six years later, Nellie wed Albert Davis, in October of 1911. Albert helped Nellie finish raising her children to adulthood.

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Who are these people in relation to the heads of the greater Ducklow family, Thomas and Elizabeth Ducklow? Lucinda was Thomas and Elizabeth's 14th and last child. Gunder Ostenson was Lucinda's husband. John T Ducklow was Thomas and Elizabeth's third child and their first son. Kathryn Nicholson was John T's second wife. Charles Ducklow was Thomas and Elizabeth's seventh child. He married Eva Shaw. George Ducklow was the sixth child of Thomas and Elizabeth Ducklow; George married Emma Hamilton and Frank Erwin was their son, Willis their Grandson. Nellie LaGrander was the first child of George and Emma Ducklow. She married George LaGrander.

Footnote: Quote on George LaGranders last hours came from his obituary published in the Spring Valley Sun April 1905.

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